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They want to sell you an airplane. A motorized tricycle. Muscle enhancers. Lifetime subscription to detectors for Amalgamated Idiots. AI for short. Take a trip to the moon, perhaps? Coral straight from the reefs for you to wear as the regal entity you truly are. Makeup for the lady of the house. Free lipstick for life. Free nail polish. Free this. Free that. Need a pair of wings, do we? No problem. Wing transplants by the Twillery Wings Association. TWA for short. Roller skates. Skis. Tuxedos. You want it; we've got it. So what if it makes no sense? Does life make sense? Does your phone ring incessantly? Are the cold callers invading your life? Never mind them. There are worse things in this world. As to what they are. Here. Try these emails with their enticing topics. Attention attention. Your check bounced. Log in here to rectify this situation. Sorry old chap. Somebody just bought your house. You have two days to move out. Unless, of course, you log in here to rectify this situation. More emails. A handful. A barrel full. A truck load. You have been bamboozled. You have been duped and robbed and stripped bare of all you own. Go down this street and make a left at the first corner. Three steps down and you will have reached Poverty Row. Unless you log in here right now. That is as in immediately. Pronto. Vite vite. Schnell schnell. What’s that? You don’t believe us? You think we are sending you these email warnings as a ruse to trick you. You think we want to entice you, trick you in order to rob you deaf, dumb and blind. Well, if the truth were to be told, perhaps we are indeed doing that. Hey. Why not? Do you live under the assumption that humans are honest creatures? Here. Some advice. Go. Take a walk to the busiest street in your town. Broadway. The Champs-Élysées. Open your eyes wide. Look at the people there. Now point to one. Which one? Point to the honest human. What? You can’t find one? My point exactly. If I don’t rob you, he will, or she will. So why not relent and let me have your money. Better me than they. I am your friend. My pet peeve of the week, you ask? It is this. Why are there no honest humans on this earth when all the literature you read encourages the decency they all say exists in our souls? Why do they write this if it isn’t true? Why do they write this if it’s all lies? Simple, my friends. We, you, all of humanity in fact, we all clearly believe in fairy tales. We need more robots. My pet peeve for this week, you ask? It’s the robots, idiots that they sometimes are. If you complain, it tells you it does not understand. Could you repeat that? Could you rephrase that? Could you, would you, should you?
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