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THE GRANDEST OF THEFTS
Can you do this for me? Nope. It's a waste of my time. Want to go here or maybe even there? Can't. No time. Can we meet later? What time? Update your files. How about some sex? When? Now. Nope. No time. Everything we do, or want to do, takes time, and the time thieves abound. In days of old there was plenty of time. You did this and had plenty of time left over for that. Today there is no time left over for either this or that. We used to tell time by the placement of the sun, the moon, and the stars. Then there was the sundial, and the hourglass, and then someone came along and invented a clock. It was huge. Floor to ceiling. Then it was miniaturized, and it became a watch. You got the time? Sure. It's half-past two. How do you know? Well, when the little hand is on the two and the big hand is on the six, that means it's half-past two. This is called analog time. Nonsense, you say? Perhaps. I hear that some of today's folks don't even know how to read analog watches. Digital or nothing. But who cares? Whatever they use, there's never enough of it. You used to look at the back of your wrist and the mechanism told you it was noon, or midnight, or one in the morning. No need today. No one needs a watch. They all have handheld computers. They use it to talk to each other, and when they're not talking, they're checking the time, of which they never have enough. Before timepieces, we had all the time in the world. Want to go hunting? Sure. Now? Sure. And some sex after? Sure. Wait. I know I've spoken about updates before. But now they've taken a villainous turn. A notice comes up. Time to update. Okay. You make time which you don't have. And the update begins. On and on and on it goes, and when it will end nobody knows. But finally it does, and you feel at peace. But here's the problem. Companies want you to use only their products. The other products, which are cheaper and work better, are their enemies. So what do they do? And herein lies my pet peeve for this week, me lads and lassies. The new updates, and I am extrapolating here, which you made time to activate, have created unknown blockages designed to obstruct the smooth workings of that enemy product, and no matter how much time you, we, I spend, we are not able to update it. It wastes that most precious of all our commodities, which they are stealing. Drats. Where is Chronos, that old man holding the hourglass, that Greek god of time, when I need him? Help. Stop. They're stealing my hours, my minutes, my seconds.
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